My Self Esteem's Not Low Enough To Date You

Things I've learned in the last five minutes via Facebook quizzes that I never publish the results of:

1. I'm a good lover.
2. I'm totatally datable.
3. I should be living in San Francisco.
4. I'm from the Mastic-Shirley region(?) of Long Island, which is where all the trailer park-types live.

I hope at least one of these four things is true.

I'm Burning Diesel, Burning Dinosaur Bones

I'm usually pretty good at finding out info on the internet. Not everyone is as gifted as me, though. For example, this fellow wasn't satisfied with the results Amazon was giving him, so he posited the following question on an XKCD forum (?!):

What are some good books with raptors invading cities and devouring populace?

At least he's looking for "good" books. None of that Michael Chrichton shit for him.

Mister Congressman, You Can't Understand.

Pete Hoekstra Is A Meme is fantastic.

I Would Not Could Not With A Goat

I drank for the first time in four days yesterday. Got pretty good and drunk at Mission Hill and at Whiskey, then got some super chorizo nachos, went upstairs, and ate my third meal of the day why I smoked pot, drank a 2-Liter of Diet Coke, masturbated (probably), and eventually fell asleep.

I left my computer on overnight, as I tend to do. I usually open up a half-dozen to a dozen tabs of various porn videos I'm contemplating watching in my browser. I can't be expected to jerk off to ten videos in one night (even I have my limits). But since I don't want to waste my porn video research, I find it's easier to leave my computer on overnight, then pick-up where I left off in the morning.

Uh, but this is not about porn. Instead, when I woke my computer up this morning, I was greeted with the homepage of Goatfinder.com (" A Top Online Source For Finding Or Listing Goats For Sale Nationwide!"). I haven't the fucking foggiest idea of what I was thinking last night that made me want to check out goats. I mean, goats are really cute and all (I prefer the term "Goaties!" myself), but I'm not looking to, I dunno, buy one or eat one or... whatever it is that Goatfinder.com might help me do.

Good god, it sounds like some sort of weird dating sight to connect goats with the people who seek them out.



"Quickly Find Goats That Are Available Now" I think I used to see ads like this on Facebook. Except for, you know, sluts (of all varieties!) instead of goats.