So I'm getting loaded tonight, and my friend (and possible very distant cousin) Kristine mentions to me that:

"Morrissey (not my real name), I saw your Chris Daly video."

"What?!"

"I saw you saying 'Fuck You' to Chris Daly. I was online and I saw it."

"What?!?!"

She then explains that she was on teh Youtube, looking for Whiskey Thieves-related vids, and she saw me hatin' on Chris Daly for one of his many silly smoking ordinances. Friend Rik then chimed in by relating a similar story he had with Friend Armand, where they stumbled upon the same vid and had a chuckle about it.

Here is said video. Dry your panties, ladies:



(BTW -- I have no idea how either Kristine or Rik could have found this video. But hey, my old apartment!)

==========

Also, I know there are plenty of truly sad things in the world, but: you know when you move out of a place, and you're closing the door for the last time, and you know you won't ever seen it again... is it possible to not be sentimental and wistful?

Newspaper Taxis Appear on the Shore

Saturday morning, the four most viewed articles on the LA Times site were all about porn:


This kind of interest over a unnamed and apparently not well-known porn contracting HIV leads me to wonder where the LA Times should establish a permanent porn beat to drum up circulation and views.

Also in the news, the unhappiness over Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's apparently sham re-election caused riots in the streets. According to Bill Keller at the NY Times:

"On the streets around Fatemi Square, near the headquarters of the leading opposition candidate, Mir Hussein Moussavi, riot police officers dressed in RoboCop gear roared down the sidewalks on motorcycles to disperse and intimidate the clots of pedestrians who had gathered to share rumors and dismay."

It's fantastic that a Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter is now using "Robocop" to describe riot police gear. Charles Manson, what do you think of Robocop gear?



(It's times like this when I regret not having any Photoshoppin' skills. Cuz I'd totally color Robocop in Iranian national colors. Robocoppin'. With Robotussin'.)

And then, today, a kinda inspiring story of UCLA legend (and one-time fellow student) Ed O'Bannon, trying to maintain in Nevada despite the disappointment of his adult life. Go Ed!

Satsfaction's Guaranteed If You Know What I Mean

Stoned and sad and feeling like the Most Unlikeable Person Ever!!!

If I've got some problems well I wouldn't be the first but the ones I have in mind are even worse and even Hitler had a girlfriend who he could always call who'd always be there for him in spite of all his faults.

-- Even Hitler Had A Girlfriend by The Mr. T Experience. I only listen to this song when I need to distract myself from filling up my Visine bottle with Multi-Surface Windex Vinegar.

The Fountain of Youth Not Robotron

Think about how many video games have been turned into movies. I don't want to confuse it as some sort of lame marketing campaign tie-in, but video games (ala Pac Man or the NBA Jam series) that were pitched, sold, produced and marketed as motion pictures.

Off hand, I can name Super Mario Brothers, the Mortal Kombat series (it was a series, right? And "Kombat" was spelled with a "K"?), the Resident Evil series ("MOOLTIPASS!")... Street Fighter? (The Chun Li film? GAHHHH!)

(FYI, I mean, like Hollywood-made films, not shit from Japan or whatever. Those Japanese people are weird.)

And I said to myself, "Oh, Dave, remember when you were 17 and your high school physics used to use that "I would say to myself, 'Self," joke, and you thought it was funny. Just like you thought Jazz's use of "ginormous" in 1986's Transformers the Movie was funny and original. Clearly, you can not maintain your comedy pace, Self.



Fucking Awesome! I can't decide if Lil' Robotron Dude should be played by either Peter Dinklage or Tony Jaa. But there should definitely be some hot, sweaty, slutty love interest played by an actress resembling Alicia Witt.

Anyhow, Robotron: that should be a movie. A fucking great movie. Gimme 90 minutes of robots getting their electrolytes blown out of them by a triple-jointed fool with eyes in the back of his head, and I'd be there. High. And alone. Oh god.

Could We Get A Drunk to Stoner Translator In the Room?

Women like to say that the #1 thing they look for in a man is "sense of humor." And I happen to know that women who say that are lying liars who are lying. I'm a professional humoredian. I have done the research, and I know that what women are really looking for are large pensisisses and lots and lots of cash. But it's not ladylike to walk around going, "I like cocks and money!" So you have to say, in lieu of "cocks and money" ("Cocks and money!!!"), you have to say "sense of humor." And then that confuses ignoramuses like myself, because I think all I need is a sense of humor and boom, I'm in, all I have to do is say something funny.

-- Doug Benson, from Professional Humoredian