Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Monkey

So I'm at a birthday party yesterday, and we're sitting around drinking and smoking, and somehow the topic turns to Michael Jackson. Big surprise. But it's OK, since Michael Jackson is one thing that ANYBODY can talk about, which attests to his fame and impact.

Somebody inquires as to whether Bubbles, Jackson's pet chimpanzee, is still alive. I say I think he's dead, but I really don't know, so I fall into my famous addiction of fact-checking anything via my iPhone.

I learned two interesting things about Bubbles that I shared with everybody:

1. Bubbles is still alive. (He's been living in an animal sanctuary, because if you don't know, mature chimpanzees are fucking savages.)

2. Bubbles allegedly* tried to kill himself in 2003.

One of those facts is way more interesting than the other.

How the fuck does a chimp try to kill itself? Although the "why" isn't so hard to figure out:



*Can't find any sort of real confirmation -- beyond a Wikipedia citation -- that Bubbles did, in fact, try to kill himself.

"Bubbles the chimp's personnal [sic] style defined an era."