Mama Won't Shave Me, Jesus Can't Save Me

Saw The Hangover last nite. Funny. It made me forget for 90 minutes how much I really don't like Las Vegas and have never, and will never, have a good time there.

Points:

(1) I love Ken Jeong's Mr. Chow character. I especially loved the fat jokes he aimed at Zach Galifianakis ("Its funny because he's fat!"). I find little else funnier than fat jokes. Alas, I am also a fattieshark, so I felt like Ken Jeong's insults were aimed at me. I felt bad as well.

(2) Ed Helms, who plays "Stu," the uptight dentist friend of the group, loses a tooth in the film. Helms actually has a gap in his teeth where an adult incisor never grew in. I had that same problem, only I think I had two (three?) adult teeth that never grew in. Nice work, dead dentist. I've been painfully embarrassed and ashamed of it ever since the baby teeth got pulled. ("Cut to 26 years later! Time flies when you are anxious!" -- Maria Bamford) Ed Helms' reaction after his character discovers his missing tooth, "I look like a nerdy hillbilly!" made me laugh and cry at the same time. So then late last nite, while stoned and drunk, I texted that quote to Jess. Not that she responded (she never does -- not that I blame her... much). That kind of painful, self-deprecating humor is something she loved. (Past tense, Dave, past tense.)



(3) Rachel Harris, who played Stu's bitchy, controlling, fun-hating fiance Melissa: I've never had the opportunity to fuck the pain away before. I think the closest I've probably come is fucking away the memories of a boring, typical work day. BUT!if I ever did have the opportunity to fuck the pain away, she -- or at least her completely hateful character -- would be Numero Uno con una bala.

(4) I have never studied Spanish.

(5) I don't know what was worse: Having to sit through a trailer for Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween 2 (even the sequel needs a remake!), or the following trailer for the next Final Destination film, in 3-D. It like Hollywood execs don't ever care if their studios make money anymore, they just want to throw money to make sure that pretty, thin people -- and Rob Zombie! -- stay pretty and thin. And that requires cocaine, which requires money, which requires grossly undeserving Hollywood salaries.