Last Dance With Mary Jane, One More Time To Kill The Pain

Important news update (via The Awl):

If you're holding Percocet or Vicodin, start hoarding (also, come sit by me): An FDA advisory panel has recommended that the pills be taken off the market because the acetaminophen in them tends to blow up your liver when taken at high doses or with alcohol. The move has been condemned by some doctors who worry that it will have an adverse impact on patients who use the pills to combat severe pain, but let's be honest: Most of you guys use it because it gives you that sweet, fucked up, itchy underwater feeling. Get ready to start lying to your friends about how you're all out while surreptitiously sneaking into the bathroom to knock one back.

Now somebody give me some. I've never had some. Really. I dislocated my kneecap in college and was in an immobilizer for like six weeks, and the strongest shit I got was Ibuprofen.

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Hey, SFist, I know one guy at KTVU who is definitely pro-sparkles and fun: Traffic Guy Sal Castaneda!

Sadly, my attempt to post this as a comment didn't work at SFist, so now I feel stupid.

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Also, my new beard has led a friend to start calling me "Fozzie Bear" and randomly saying "Wocka, Wocka, Wocka" whenever I'm around.

Another friend said I looked like a grizzled war veteran.

That's quite the dichotomy: A Muppet, and a PTSD-inflicted solider.

I told the second guy that I probably look like a grizzled veteran of the Muppets. Now I'm starting to wonder what ever happened to Fozzie Bear after the cameras finally shut down. Maybe I'll put together a VH1 special on him.

This is almost certainly completely not true, but from Fozzie's Wikipedia page:

In the late 1990's Fozzie Bear was forever immortalized when Mr. T., a popular pop culture icon from the show "The A-Team" had Fozzie's face tattooed on his right Bicep, along with the phrase "Fozzie pitys the fool!"

That is too awesome to be true. Can't find any evidence online that Mr. T does have said tattoo. Goddamn, Wikipedia, for get my hopes up like that.

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And how do you handle having a bearded lady as the maid of honor at a wedding? Well, for one, don't ask the bearded lady to be the maid of honor. Or two, you can ask Dear Abby!