Nowhere To Go To But Down, Down, Down, Nothing But The Ground Left For You To Fall To

Dear Supervisor Daly:

Fuck off and die.

Better yet, resign first, then fuck off and die.

Thank you.

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Dave's weight loss plan has hit a major snag as his knees, burdened by a college-age injury and thirty-five years of supporting his ass in all of its failed endeavors, can't take running anymore.

It's been a week since my last run, and my knees ache. Walking to work is painful. Going down the stairs is painful. Life's painful, and I live it, but I can do without chronic knee pain.

Gotta find a back-up plan.

Turbo-Crushed Is Our Mission, On The Table Or In The Kitchen -- YEAOWWW!!!

A week from now, I may be going to a Muppets-themed party at a friend's place in SOMA.

A month from now, I'm supposed to box my friend in another's friend's courtyard in the TL.

And on October 5, assuming I don't pass out in the next 24 minutes, I'm supposed to go see the Motorhead-Reverend Horton Heat-Nashville Pussy with a ton of people.

I define Permadolesence. And fattitude.

Fat Boy On A Diet, Don't Try It, I'll Jack Your Ass Like A Looter In A Riot

See if you can guess where Day 2 of Dave's Unofficial Diet went off the rails:

1) Tempeh salad for lunch;
2) Ran 1.5 miles (give or take);
3) Small Quizno's veggie sandwich (no mayo, forgot it had cheese);
4) Three Kettle & Sodas while catching up with a bartender who's been on tour with one of his bands for the past month;
5) Learn that another bartender and his new wife are apparently getting divorced, get saddypants, drink three beers and four whiskeys;
6) Go home and drink more beer;
7) Cry.

And I am so fucking hungry right now.

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Also: Fuck Carol Migden.

When You're Only Having Seconds, I'm A-Having Twenty-Thirds

Things I Wish Were True But I Fear Are Not:

Those little microwavable pizzas that I buy from my corner market at 11:30 at night after I'm smashed but haven't eaten dinner? I wish they were only 250 calories.

Had A Million Dollar Vibe And A Bottle To Go

Oh noes: Pour one out for Vibe Magazine.

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Ran for 10 minutes last nite. Pathetic. But that what's you get when your 50 pounds overweight. Try again tomorrow, Tubbytits.

That'll Never Get Old

I've watched this a 100 x 69 times before, and I agree.